Friday, August 26th, 2011

Oh today, I wish I could start my blog off on a happy note, but we don't always have happy days, do we? My heart is heavy today. I won't go into details but it's heavy in my chest. Isn't that weird how you actually have physical feeling in your heart. I feel it in my chest and it feels like it weighs heavy. I'm also drowning in debt. Short of a miracle from God, I may have to work 3 jobs to climb out of this whole. Of course it's my own doing whether it be my choices to spend foolishly or having to do with someone in my past. If there are any spiritual people reading this, please include me in your prayers.
On a happy note, today is friday. Which means tomorrow I may not wake up until 6am rather than 4am as I have been doing lately. I don't have any plans aside from continuing to work on our farmhouse. I'm getting frustrated with my handiman friend who has taken 3 weeks to finish my bathroom and it's still not finished. I also found out yesterday that we need completely new pipes under the bathroom sink. I called my landlord today who answered his phone by saying "what now". I said "stop it, I just called to tell you how much we love the house and how much work we have gotten done and to thank him for calling and commenting on the yard the other day,
Keep in mind that I have known him for 9 - 10 years and he said "no, really what do you want? He was joking but I, seriously, asked him to have our bathroom fixed before next weekend as we are having out of town guests that are like family to us and I don't want them to have to brush their teeth at the kitchen sink.
I go to the ear/nose/throat doc today to find out why my voice has still not completely recovered although I have had the scratchy voice for a month.
Mitch (youngest son) is scheduled to come stateside for two months for Ranger School. He will be at Fort Benning, GA. I will be so happy to talk to him more often than I get to now. It went from talking to him daily for 25 years to maybe twice a week and then we were lucky if we had a good connection on Skype. It's hard to let go sometimes as a mother. But let go, I have. He has his family and rightfully so doesn't need to be a momma's boy. I swear both of my boys have gone from home for years now and I still have moments of empty nest syndrome. I, sometimes, wish that they were little and still needed Momma. Thankful, my daughter that wasn't raised by me is firmly planted into my life and I hear from her daily, sometimes twice daily. It's a great priviledge and I appreciate it. I always thought that when you came back in touch with a child you had given up for adoption that the love would be different than had you raised that child. But no, it's no different than the day she was born and I, painfully, put her in her adoptive parents car. It's a mother's love and no different than the love I have for the boys. I feel blessed that I have her and that I can feel her love for me. Her son, Drake, is loved the very same as the other grandbabies and I love that his Daddy is teaching him to call me Grandma JoJo. Kids seem to gravitate to me so I have a handful of them that call me either Gramma JoJo or Aunt JoJo. I've always said that kids, dogs, and the population I work with (developmental delayed) love me but I can't seem to find a man that isn't a douche who will love me. I believe the other's love me because they see the purity of my heart while men don't tend to notice those type of things, I guess. Hell I don't know. I've been married four times yet have never been on a real date. I'm 52 and have never really been "courted". Nor have I allowed time for them to become my friend so when the excitement, lust, and fireworks wore off, it was me that always wanted out. So my marriage cut off date has always been about the three year mark.
It's hotter than Haiti today. Of course, I really don't know how hot Haiti is but that's what people say. I'm glad that I'm in an air conditioned building because if I wasn't and there was no pool close by, Because if there wasn't I would be complaining like a spoiled kid getting nothing in a toy store.
Well my blogland friends, I will close here as I'm not very positive today. But God gives us the valleys so that we can appreciate the mountains, right? Sometimes rainy (figuratively speaking) days are part if the plan to bring us closer to Him.
Hugs from the farm in Hansen, Idaho.